In the event you’ve been on social media currently, you’ve in all probability seen #attachmentstyle making the rounds. The hashtag has been seen greater than a billion occasions on TikTok.
So what’s attachment type?
Relationship attachment type refers to how individuals behave in relationships, from expressing intimacy to dealing with battle. The time period grew to become common in 1969 when psychologist Mary Ainsworth developed the Strange Situation Procedure (surprisingly not trending on TikTok) to measure attachment between caregiver and baby.
Ainsworth’s attachment concept says the emotional bonds we kind with our caregivers (often dad and mom) as infants play an enormous position in how we behave in relationships as adults. For instance, should you had a caretaker who wasn’t attentive to your wants or dependable, you’re extra more likely to have difficulties in grownup relationships.
Therapist Lori Gordon-Michaeli, LCSW, mentioned studying your attachment type can assist you higher perceive the way in which you tick and the way you reply to your accomplice. “It helps us study what our wants are and the way we can assist our accomplice meet these wants. It additionally helps us to grasp our accomplice and their strategy to the connection.”
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Gordon mentioned attachment type is pushed by the unconscious self somewhat than the acutely aware self. “If we all know our attachment type, we will navigate a wholesome model of interactions. As a substitute of reacting, we study to reply within the relationship. A number of occasions relationships don’t work due to our attachment kinds and a lack of expertise in responses.”
The 4 attachment kinds are:
- Safe
- Anxious
- Avoidant
- Disorganized
The three insecure kinds — you guessed them — have adverse impacts on relationships. However you’ll be able to take steps to acknowledge insecure attachment kinds and make adjustments to assist kind wholesome relationships.
We requested Gordon concerning the fundamentals behind the 4 attachment kinds and what to know should you or your accomplice has an insecure attachment type.
1. Safe attachment type
Individuals who have a safe attachment type are often assured within the bond they’ve with their companions. So, they often do effectively in relationships.
They’re comfy sharing emotions and are good at speaking. They don’t often learn into issues and are nice with intimacy and vulnerability whereas, on the similar time, nonetheless really feel safe in who they’re. Principally, the kind of accomplice all of us need.
In the event you or your accomplice has a safe attachment type: Individuals with safe attachment kinds will often gravitate to one another. Nonetheless, if they’re in a relationship with somebody who has an insecure attachment type, they’re more likely to be keen to fulfill their accomplice the place they’re and/or assist work by issues.
2. Anxious attachment type
Individuals with an anxious attachment type usually had one thing occur of their infancy or younger childhood growth that led to emotions of abandonment. So, as adults, they need to really feel shut and intimate with their accomplice so that they really feel reassured and secure.
Nonetheless, the necessity for fixed reassurance and relationship validation will be troublesome in a relationship. Individuals with anxious attachment might sabotage the connection in attention-seeking methods to get validation. Feeling insecure, jealous and needy are additionally indicators of anxious attachment type.
In the event you or your accomplice has an anxious attachment type: It could be helpful to work on coping expertise utilizing speak remedy, comparable to dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for self soothing and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). EMDR, which stands for eye motion desensitization and reprocessing, might also assist to maneuver previous emotions of abandonment.
3. Avoidant attachment type
Individuals with avoidant attachment are inclined to withdraw throughout intimacy and shrink back from closeness general. It is because the concept of being susceptible feels threatening to them. Individuals with avoidant attachment have issue trusting different individuals and make investments little in relationships.
In the event you or your accomplice has an avoidant attachment type: Remedy can assist individuals with avoidant attachment type study to belief and share ideas and emotions. Word: Avoidant and anxious attachment kinds can turn into very poisonous when collectively, so each events ought to contemplate remedy.
4. Disorganized attachment type
Individuals with disorganized attachment kinds have a mixture of anxious attachment with avoidant traits. Often individuals with this attachment type have been by trauma and/or abuse and have a really laborious time trusting anybody.
Disorganized attachment might result in unpredictable habits and hassle regulating feelings. Indicators of disorganized attachment embody contradictory behaviors, like being cold and warm, and a worry of rejection.
In the event you or your accomplice has a disorganized attachment type: Therapies that embody trauma help might assist individuals with disorganized attachment. EMDR and trauma-focused CBT are two examples that will additionally assist individuals course of and transfer ahead towards more healthy relationships.
The excellent news is that folks with any of those attachment kinds are able to blissful relationships. “Remedy may be very useful in all regards to achieve data about ourselves in methods we by no means actually considered,” Gordon mentioned. “If you’re having issues in your relationships it could be a good suggestion to begin with self reflection so as to be one of the best model of your self. That often adjustments how we work together with others, which in flip, shifts the relationships into extra nice waters.”
